Our minds have evolved to think negatively. Without this negative filter, our primitive ancestors would not have survived long. Is that rustle in the bushes a bear… or a bird? Is that person in the distance a foe…or a friend?
Anxiety wants to keep us safe from harm or threats, so it tries to anticipate a problem and either figure out a solution or avoid it altogether.
Equipped with this ‘negative filter,’ our ancestors were more likely to take precautionary measures and survive. These real fears (bears, enemies, and so forth) motivated them to band together, create communities, and build defense weaponry.
Today’s stressors are perhaps less obvious than a bear, but threatening nonetheless (worries about decision making, parenting, health, finances, work responsibilities). The function of anxiety remains consistent. While anxiety wants to keep us safe, very often it can hold us back instead.
Emotion labeling. Acknowledging your emotional experience is the first step in emotional regulation. In order to respond more effectively to anxiety (or anger, or any other intense and uncomfortable emotion), try to recognize it for what it is.
Here is anxiety. There is anger. I’m noticing a feeling of discomfort. Rather than labeling yourself as the emotion (I’m angry, I’m anxious), by labeling and placing the anxiety somewhere in your orbit, you give it space to freely exist and become separate from you. With this separation, you may feel a lessening of the intensity and stronghold anxiety has on you.
Breathing exercises. Your breath is a powerful tool that can activate your body’s “calm down” system (or parasympathetic nervous system). When we feel anxious, our body enters fight-flight-freeze mode, activating the sympathetic nervous system. Your heart races, your pulse quickens, your hands may be clammy, your senses narrow. By intentionally slowing down your breathing, you are telling your body “Everything’s okay.”
One way to do this is to practice diaphragmatic breathing. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. As you inhale, push out your belly, while keeping your chest steady and still. As you exhale, contract your belly. Slow your rate of breathing; count to 5 as you inhale and count to 5 as you exhale. Try this for at least one minute (the longer, the better!).
Grounding techniques. Anxiety has the tendency to pull us out of the present moment and into future worries, anticipatory anxieties, or ruminative thoughts. When we use grounding techniques, we are intentionally bringing awareness to the senses and back to the here-and-now. Grounding can be as simple as pushing your feet more firmly into the floor and being aware of the support of the ground beneath you. You can also take yourself on a journey of the senses - focusing on what you see, smell, hear, taste, and can touch. Notice the temperature, the feeling of the clothes on your skin, the support of the chair or cushion you are on.
Self-care rituals. Self-care activities are ones that promote your overall well-being and optimize your health. Self-care refers to the conscious and intentional choice to prioritize your mental, emotional, social, and physical self. Specific self-care activities vary from person to person, but may include exploring hobbies or creative pursuits, engaging in relaxing activities, cultivating healthy relationships, exercising, eating healthy foods, and getting sufficient sleep. It’s a lot to do all of these changes at once, so start small. Pick one area (physical health, social health, mental health), one activity (exercise for 10 minutes, schedule dinner with friends, journal thoughts and feelings), and start with that one change.
Self-compassion. Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself, but kindness comes after acknowledging and labeling whatever it is that you’re experiencing right now. The psychologist Russ Harris has developed a mantra for self-compassion, which first includes acknowledging your own pain and then being understanding and supportive of oneself.
“This is a moment of suffering. May I be kind to myself.”
Self-compassion is not just about being nice to yourself, it also includes acknowledging
whatever difficult thoughts and feelings are coming up for you and realizing that this is a moment in time. Emotions come and go.
One thing all emotions have in common is their temporary state. Use this mantra, if helpful. Or, phrase it as a question - This is a moment of suffering, how can I be kind to myself?
Social support. Reaching out to friends or loved ones when you are feeling anxious can help you realize you are not alone in this emotional experience. Feeling connected with others can help alleviate the intensity of anxiety. You feel supported, connected, and engaged in a social activity. This can also help distract you (in a healthy way!) from whatever stressful event may be triggering the anxiety.
Professional help. If anxiety is interfering with your daily life and functioning, making it hard to concentrate on school or work, connect with others, or care for yourself (like get enough sleep), then therapy can help. Working with a licensed psychologist or counselor can help provide you with a framework for how to implement these tools and tailor an effective anxiety management strategy for you.
Building an anxiety toolkit gives you strategies to effectively respond to anxiety and prioritize your wellbeing. Customize this toolkit according to your needs, self-care rituals, and favorite self-compassion mantras and activities. Consistently practicing emotion labeling, deep breathing, and grounding techniques will allow these strategies to become second nature, offering you a sense of calm and control. These tools can be quick and implemented anywhere. Try taking just 1 slow deep breath right now before reading the next sentence.
Try pushing your feet firmly into the ground beneath you (grounding exercise).
The key to the toolkit’s effectiveness is actually putting these tools to work and practice, practice, practice. And, of course, always reach out to a licensed professional if you are struggling or are looking for extra accountability. There is help, and often talking to a psychologist can offer some perspective on what tools may work best for you.
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